Homeschooling Through the Holidays

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Today, I am excited to talk to you about how to homeschool through the holidays without losing your sanity. When I first started homeschooling, I had this idea that we would take the whole month of December off of school, and we would do all these amazing, wonderful Christmas things. I found all these ideas on Pinterest, I printed out all of these activities, and I came up with all these Advent traditions and countdown things, and lists of books we were going to read. We were going to do all the things. We were going to do all the field trips and all the special outings. It was going to be this magical, wonderful Christmas.

Well, by December 10th, I was completely burnt out and my kids were all completely burnt out, as well. It really wasn't this magical, wonderful experience that I was hoping it was going to be. There have been many holidays since then, and I just wanted to share with you five simple tips that have helped make holidays enjoyable for me and my family.

Maintain your routine

The first tip that I have is to maintain some of your routine. You've been working hard all school year, and now your children have this routine, and this rhythm that they're used to. What happens if you decide to just change everything up for a whole entire month? It really disrupts what they've grown to know and be comfortable with, and disrupts all those wonderful habits that you've been working so hard to build— the habit of attention and the habit of accuracy, right? The habit of paying attention during narrations, the habit of doing neat work, the habit of putting forth their best effort. 

All these routines that you've established throughout the semester, you want to keep some of them going. Work to maintain some of these routines wherever you might be going to. You don't want to disrupt their routines for a whole six weeks, because then it just makes it really challenging to try to get it all back when it's time for school to start in January. I encourage you to look at what routines have been working really well and how to keep them. Morning time is something that we established that my kids really love. When we take time off, they really just want to keep doing morning time, which is great. It's just a nice way that we start our day and they're used to it. Even when you're traveling, you can do some morning time. You could do some read-alouds. Bring your nature journals with you. See what's in the new place. Keep some of those routines going so your kids feel safe.

Children like routines. They help them feel safe, so during the holidays, I think it's really important to think about what that's like for a child. Everything that they've known—the rhythm of your days, the rhythm of your home—is getting disrupted. They're rushing around if you're doing a lot of different activities, so there's a lot of disruption in a child's life, which can make them feel unsafe. When children feel unsafe, they try to maintain control, and that can often come through as temper tantrums through resistance, and through attitudes if they're teenagers. 

Routines really do help children, so keep your morning time if that's something you've been doing, just maybe keep it shorter. If you read aloud, keep doing that. Keep your afternoon occupations, your nature walks, or things that are just really life-giving for your family. You don't want to completely abandon them during this time because this is the time you, as the homeschooling parent especially, need these soul- and life-giving things. What I love so much about a Charlotte Mason education are these rich, beautiful subjects, and these rich, living ideas that we get to experience every day. So don't let those things go.

Keep your expectations realistic

My second tip is to keep realistic expectations. A wise person once told me that having unrealistic expectations is the same thing as premeditated disappointment. Let me say that again because you're going to want to write this down. Having unrealistic expectations is the same as premeditated disappointment. So often we have expectations of what our holidays are going to be like, and they're unattainable. Then, when reality is whatever it actually is, that gap between our expectations and reality is where disappointment lives. In order to close that gap, we have to have realistic expectations. That doesn't mean you don't have goals or visions or hopes for what your holiday season is going to be like, but you do need to keep perspective of the stages that your children are in, their ages, and what your plans are. 

I used to have these totally unrealistic expectations that we were going to be like Little Women, and we were all going to be sitting around reading and knitting and taking breakfast to the poor. I was going to be like Marmee and everybody would be writing plays and it would just be this magical, wonderful Christmas experience.It was never really like that, so I would live with this disappointment when things didn't go right, my kids didn't want to participate in something that I wanted them to do, or they're fighting over who gets to sit on my lap while I'm trying to read this beautiful Christmas story, and then I was just disappointed. 

Holiday seasons are going to have stressors. Your kids are having all these feelings, so they're going to have fights with their siblings, and they're going to push back on you when you want them to do something. When you expect that instead of resisting it, you’re able to make that a learning opportunity rather than you getting frustrated and being angry that you are trying to do something fun for them and nobody cares. Rather than pushing back in frustration, learn to say, "Oh, wow, man, there's a lot happening right here. We all have some really big feelings. Let's talk about how we can process these during this time."

Less is more

The next tip is to remember that less is more. I used to want to do all the Christmas things. I see all these wonderful ideas on Instagram and Pinterest, and I want to do them all. I had this Advent calendar thing and each day is this super fun activity, like we're going to go ice skating, we're going to go to a light show. Like I said, we were just completely exhausted by December 10th. My advice is to ust choose a few traditions that you can sustain.

One of the traditions that I have kept for the past 20 years now is that I had a book basket of picture books. I used to wrap them and each day the kids would pick one, they'd unwrap it, and I'd read it to them at night. Now that they're older, they don't really care if they're wrapped, so I just put the picture books in a basket, and they pick which one they want to read. It's really fun now. Even though they're teenagers and they're way beyond the picture book stage, those are which ones they pick and which ones they remember. It has a sweet spot inside of their memories of their childhood, which I really appreciate. So, we have the picture book basket.

I always give my kids pajamas and an ornament on Christmas Eve. The ornament would be something that they were interested in for the year or whatever sport they were doing. So now that they're older, it's really fun to decorate the tree and for them to go, "Oh my goodness, this was the year I did gymnastics," or, "Oh, this was the year I watched Barney.” It’s really special to see the things that they enjoyed when they were little children, that they are like, "I can't believe I ever watched that." 

There was a Christmas a few years back where we just had really a lot going on. It was a really tumultuous time, and I told my kids I was probably not going to be able to do this Christmas pajama tradition. My older daughters went out to Walmart on Christmas Eve and bought Christmas pajamas for everybody, and it was hilarious because there was not much supply left, so we all got like random sizes. They were huge on us, and they only had white t-shirts, but it was so precious because it made me realize how important all those traditions that I had been doing all those years actually meant to them. It meant so much to me that they thought it was so special, and so meaningful that they wanted to keep it going, even when I couldn't.

It's just those few simple traditions, but we've kept them going. Think about what you can do long-term. If it's something that you're trying to add in that is just overwhelming, you're probably not going to keep doing that every year. Not that it has to be done every year, but think through what might be a few simple things that you can do, that you could do well, some things that you actually like to do.

Remember that everyone's personalities and interests are so different, so don't feel like you have to do XYZ Christmas tradition because everybody else is doing it. You know what? I really don't like cooking. I don't really want a big mess in my kitchen. So for me, making a Christmas recipe every day is probably not going to happen, so I pick a few simple cookies that we make every year, that are super easy, and we just keep making those. It’s the small, consistent things, just like in our home education. Doing small things over time leads to great results, so less is more. Just keep a few traditions and keep your expectations realistic.

Focus on love

The next tip that I have for you is to focus on love. Christmas and the holidays can be a really challenging time for children, so you really want to focus on just loving them well, having this unconditional love for them, not just for your children, but for everyone. I know holidays can be an interesting time with different family dynamics, and I recently heard you can't love someone more than your thoughts of love for that person. This means that we can choose our thoughts. Even if someone's behavior might not be exactly what we want it to be. Maybe grandma always says something that hurts your feelings, or Uncle Bob is really rude, or whatever your family dynamics are. Can we show that person the unconditional love of Christ at Christmas?

I'm not saying you don't need boundaries or you might want to have some conversations with family. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying maybe you can choose a different thought about that person. Instead of thinking about how much trouble your kids are causing, or how a certain family is just always hurtful and mean, maybe think, “oh man, they must be having a really hard time. You know, maybe the holidays are really challenging for them. Maybe it stirs up a lot of memories for them. How can I show them unconditional love and compassion this season?”

The same thing with our kids, because our kids will remember some of the traditions. My kids definitely do, but they're not going to remember everything that I do during the holidays. What they're really going to remember is how they felt, and we want them to feel love during the holidays. At my house, I always felt so loved. I felt seen, I felt heard, and I felt that I was important. We want to show our children this unconditional love.

Charlotte Mason talks about this in volume five, The Formation of Character. This is what she has to say: "Actions do speak louder than words to a young heart. He must feel it in your touch. See it in your eye. Hear it in your tones. Or you will never convince a child or boy that you love him. Though you labor day and night for his good and his pleasure, perhaps this is the special lesson of Christmas time for parents. The sun came. For what else, we need not inquire now. To reinstate men by compelling them to believe that they—the poor, shrinking in the same shulls of them that they live unfolded in infinite personal love—desire the response of love for love. And who, like the parent, can help forward this wonderful redemption? The boy who knows that his father and his mother love him with measureless patience in his faults and love him out of them is not slow to perceive, receive and understand the dealings of the higher love. But why should good parents, more than the rest of us, be expected to exhibit so divine a love? Perhaps because they are better than most of us anyway. That appears to be their vocation. And that it is possible to fulfill even so high a calling, we all know, because we know good mothers and good fathers. 'Parents, love your children' is probably an unnecessary counsel to anyone who is reading this page"—or listening to this podcast, I would add—"At any rate, it is a presuming one. But let me say to reserved, undemonstrative parents who follow the example of righteous Abraham and rule their households, rule nonetheless. But let your children feel and see and be quite sure that you love them."

I just remember getting weepy when I read this for the first time. It was such a beautiful picture of the love that God has for us and the love that we get to show our children during this special season. Like Charlotte Mason is saying, you are great parents and you're homeschooling your children because you love them so much. So, we probably don't need to remind you of this, right? But, we should probably just focus on this for a minute, that the most important thing we can do during the holiday season is love our children well.

If we don't get to all the activities, read all the books that we wanted to, or make all the crafts or recipes that we were wanting to do this holiday season, it boils down to: did we love our children well? Like she says here, actions speak louder than words, so even if you are saying, “Of course I love my children,” they pick it up in our tone, in our touch, in our body language. Right? We want them to just feel complete love. We want them to feel seen and heard, while understanding that there are expectations for behavior, but most importantly, we are there for them. We care for them, and we are there to love them, just like God loves us so much, just like Mary with Jesus in the manger. It's such a beautiful time to point our children to this truth of love, but they need to see it coming through us as well. They need to—like she says here—"perceive, receive, and understand the dealings of this higher love."

Schedule time for yourself

My fifth, and final tip for you is to schedule time for yourself. Even if you are traveling, even if you are staying with family or have out-of-town guests in your house, you need to schedule time for yourself. It can't be you telling yourself that you’ll do it when there’s extra time, because there's never extra time, so this is a priority. Put it on your calendar. Make a date with yourself to sit for 15 minutes alone, light a candle, and listen to beautiful Christmas music while your kids are in their rooms having quiet time. Or at the end of the day, let everyone know you are taking some time to read a book. Tell them that you’re going to read a Christmas book for 15 minutes, or while you’re traveling. Take a break, put your headphones in while you’re driving down the road. Not if you're driving, but if you're a passenger. 

You have to take care of yourself because you are going to be pouring so much into your family during this time. So much of the expectations are on you. If you have guests coming, if you're cooking, if you're doing presents, there's just so much naturally on us as parents during this time. So you have to, have to, have to, have to, you have to make yourself a priority. Schedule it in, even if it's just 15 minutes, 30 minutes would be lovely, maybe make it two 15 minute sessions.

You know, it doesn't have to be this huge trip to the spa. If you can, if you want to do that, that's great, but, what are the life-giving things like mother culture, reading, listening to music. Maybe some time just to call a family member or write a letter to a friend you haven't talked to in forever. Think through, but do something every day during the holiday season. Book that 15 minutes. Put it on your calendar before you put any other activities on because you need to be the healthiest, happiest version of yourself in order to love your people unconditionally during this time.

Those are my five tips. Number one, keep your routine. Number two, set realistic expectations. Number three, less is more. Number four, focus on love, and number five, take care of yourself. 

I just want to chime in here at the very end to let you know about two products available for A Gentle Feast that might be of benefit to you this holiday season. The first one is an Advent devotional. It is seven lessons where you walk through the birth of Christ, where you walk through the Bible story. That includes several elements that are part of the morning time from A Gentle Feast. It includes part of the subjects that Charlotte Mason included in her programs, which I call the beauty subjects. There's picture study, composer study, hymn study, Bible reading, poetry, prayer, and there's also additional handicrafts and recipes. It's made to be a tool. It's made not to be too much, but to be something that you can add on in the morning and then keep somewhat of your regular school day going. It could also be something that you do for evening devotions or on the weekends throughout the Advent season. It's meant to be a tool that you can kind of use pieces of to fit with your family schedule.

The second thing, which I am so excited about, is Christmas Around the World. It's ten different lessons. I found the most precious book in the public domain of Christmas stories from around the world. These are just stories you probably haven't heard of. They're not the typical picture books that a lot of people use and recommend. There are some delightful older stories from different countries. I also included some carols, poetry, and recipes from different countries.

My favorite part is our amazing art teacher who does the art classes for A Gentle Feast made videos of different crafts that have to do with the different countries, so if you're like me and you try to follow craft directions and it never turns out exactly like it's supposed to, having the video is a huge help. It might also mean that you can put the video on for your kids and they could do this craft while you go sit and have a cup of tea for a few minutes and take care of yourself, which is so vitally important during this holiday season.

I hope you and your family have a blessed holiday season. Merry Christmas, everybody.